O' Christmas Tree

The Pros and Cons of purchasing a live tree:

Pros:

1) Smells of Christmas. Is there anything better than waking up in the morning and smelling the glorious aroma of pine wafting through the house? And it's even better knowing that it is not a Glade air-freshener that you plugged into the wall last night, but the actual scent of Christmas, emanating from a living thing which now resides in your living room, garbed in all the tinsel and ornaments of the season.

2) Just feels right. There is something traditional and homey about picking out a tree, bringing it home and inducting it into the family for a few wonderful, holiday-spirit filled weeks.

Well, that's just about it for the pros...

Cons:

1) You have to trim it. If you don't trim the tree, it will not look pretty, it will look like, well, a tree, with fingery branches and uneven needles.

2) Bald spots.  Unlike fake trees which are manufactured to have even branch distribution, real trees, like real people, can sometimes acquire bald spots. And when I say sometimes, I mean all the time. Pine-pattern baldness is a rising epidemic in American populations of Pine, Douglas Fir and Spruce.

3) You have to water it. Fake trees are a lot less like pets and a lot more like, well, Christmas decorations. So keep that in mind when making the decision to buy a tree next Christmas.

4) It sheds.  Also like a pet. Better hope you got some extra vacuum bags in your stocking from Santa this year. You're going to need them.

5) Ridiculously short life span. Even with the proper amount of watering, you cannot reasonably expect a live tree to stay live for more than a month after being decapitated. So, unlike the rest of us normal Americans, you will probably be putting up your Christmas tree the week before Christmas which means that you will not only look like a Scrooge but will probably feel like one as well.

6) Sap. It's going to get on your hands when you bring the tree into the house. It's going to get on your ornaments when you're decorating the tree. It's going to get on your carpet while the tree is sitting patiently, awaiting Christmas. It's going to get on your hands when you take the tree out of the house.

7) Nasty Surprises. When I say nasty, I do mean nasty. Particularly here in Florida where it is warm enough in the winter for little critters to live quite comfortably in those branches. Time for a flashback! Everyone, close your eyes and imagine with me... Actually, don't close your eyes, then you wouldn't be able to read the flashback. Okay, here we go:

As you've probably guessed, this year my family bought a live tree. When we were bringing it into the house, we found a snake skin in tree. We laughed nervously and tossed it into the grass. That should have been our sign. Instead, we took the tree inside and set it up. So, after a while the tree died, having been neglected in the watering department, and it was looking pretty sad by Christmas time. The day after Christmas we had decided to take down the tree and throw it out. Before we could do so, I had to put the opened gifts away, as they were still somewhat strewn across the living room floor. While picking up, I noticed a baby praying mantis. I jumped a little, more startled than frightened, and asked my younger sister to rescue the small, twiggy thing and take it outside. We started wondering how it had even gotten inside. Emma suggested that perhaps there had been an egg sac in the Christmas tree and then, simultaneously, almost in slow motion, we all looked up. All over the wall and the ceiling, at least fifty of these creepy little bugs. And who knows how many were still in the tree! Now the quest to get the tree out of the house was even more urgent. Luckily, with the help of a broom, a vacuum, and, on the part of my environmentally aware younger sister, a small plastic cup, our house is now praying mantis free, but it was still a very disturbing hour and a half.

Let this be a lesson: Do not buy a live tree, particularly if you are a Floridian. Not only is it a huge hassle, but hideous things can happen.