Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a word that means something is coming. Tomorrow is a word that means today will soon be gone, just another memory, another laughter line, another tear shed and forgotten. Tomorrow is a word that means promise and compromise and fear and excitement and today, tomorrow is a word that means six months.

As of tomorrow, it will have been six months since this world lost a wonderful man: a father, a teacher, an artist, a brother, a son, a husband, a friend. So many different words to describe one person, and unless you knew him, those words hardly describe him at all.

It might be hard to wake up tomorrow, knowing that it has been six months since I last heard his voice or saw his face or held his hand, and even longer since I heard his loud, clear voice, and saw his smiling, healthy face, and held his strong, warm hand. It might be hard to wake up tomorrow, but I will do it, and I will take a long shower and let the tears mingle with the warm water so that they wash away and leave behind no anger or pain. I will make my bed and write in my journal and go to class like it is a normal day, and the sun will be shining and I'll smile, like I always do. I will do all of these things because that's what we have to do.

Tomorrow I will also wish. I will wish that tomorrow wasn't a word that means six months. I will wish that I were at home with my family instead of alone in a new town with people that don't know what tomorrow means. I will wish that I could hold my sisters and brother until all of the pain leaks out and we can only laugh at our tear-stained faces. I will wish that he had bothered to set up a voice mail message so that if I were to call his cell phone I would hear it. I will wish that Hostess hadn't gone out of business so that I could walk down to a convenience store and buy some donettes. I will wish that I had at least one recent photo of he and I in which he wasn't sick. Tomorrow I will wish it wasn't tomorrow.

But then, tomorrow is a word that means wishing and hoping and dreaming. Tomorrow is a word that means, make your wish and let it go because wishes that don't come true will only make your heart heavy if you hold onto them. Tomorrow is a word that means keep moving forward.

Whatever it is that tomorrow means, whether it is all of these things or none of these things, tomorrow will be a day like any other day, and that means that I will be safe and happy and sound under the care of the best guardian angel. Really, I'm very lucky; that's what tomorrow means.